The Elephant in the Room
Where I explain how little I am qualified to write about friendship and masculinity, and still convince you to come with me on this journey.
There is no denying that I do not have any qualifications when it comes to writing about friendship in any kind of scientific way. I am web developer/teacher that studied English Literature in university. One could argue that anything I say will be anecdotal at best and completely false at worst. I'm ok with that and think you should be too.
I need to process my friend's death, and deal with all of the realizations and problems that come up; that are already coming up. I've chosen to do this publicly, well sort of. With no subscribers, it is kind of like giving a presentation to an empty room. Just putting the words out there, honours Ivan. He was always after me to write. I thought for sure that when I finally sat down to write, it would be fiction, but this is more important right now. It feels urgent. I need to understand what the hell is going on in my head. I desperately need a reason to not stagnate intellectually and emotionally.
Right. But what will this substack really be about?
I can't say for sure. But there are a few things that are brewing. While this could very quickly devolve into trying to deal with all that is toxic in masculinity, I, for obvious reasons, would rather focus on friendship. I will log my journey, learn about friendship, social interactions, what it means, or should mean, to be a person today, and maybe become a better man in the process.
For you, dear reader, this could be entertaining regardless of the outcome. Either you will learn something important that you can then apply to your life, or you'll witness a massive train wreck that will serve as a cautionary tale.
At any rate, I really hope that this substack can teach you something, anything about yourself as I dig through my memories in search of anything.
Confession. I also really hope that memories of time spent with my friend resurface. At the moment, they feel like a warm blanket that is just out of reach.
Let me end today with the closing lines from Bootmen and the Door theory1. These are words that I know Ivan wrote for me. I love you brother.
Keep on Thinking Free.
Movie silence hisses in my ears As I reach back to the memories throughout the years Far calmer now for both you and me But we will never ever ever… stop thinking free!
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CirQuS VoltairE. “Bootmen and the Door theory.” 1 by CirQuS VoltairE, Bandcamp, 2016,1. Website or Database Name, cirqusvoltaire.bandcamp.com/track/bootmen-the-door-theory-2.